• Boiikey Tennison •

Monday, February 8, 2010 ; 9:30 PM {!♥}

ooouh yeaaaa ;D

okey , lets start from yesterday.

yesterday morning , i planned to go down slack slack. but , in the afternoon around 2plus , i felt tired. i dont know whye. berd called me to go to his house slack. i told him that in 15 minutes time , i'll be there. but , i still on this laptop talking to BabyElmo on MSN. i also told her that i lazy to go down. something made me not to go down and i dont know what. but , i forced myself to go down cause 1 whole day play computer also not good for the eyes. soo , around 2 to 3 , i went to berd's house slack. smokesmokesmoke , around 4 plus , got a call from Riyanee. She said that my great grandmother had passed away exactly at 4.oopm. SHARP! i told her not to fool around. she swore to me and told me to go home STRAIGHT! so yeah , i ran home. saw my Uncles and Aunties outiside. i saw my dad too. i ran to my great grandmother. she was covered with 'kain batik'. i open the 'kain batik' and look at her pale face. yeah , ofcause i cried. i hold her hand tight and talked to myself in my heart. ask for forgiveness as if she could hear me. i think , she heard my prayers and my appology. i kept remembering when she was still in the hospital, that was her 5 - 6th day in the hospital. she still can talk but not that clear. she talk in boyan that she want to kiss me and hug me. yes , i did go to her. she kissed me and hug me with the needles poked in her hand. wires were all over her. tubes and stuffs. while I'm typing this , i feel like crying. i did many wrong things towards her. i can't bear this pain. but , i know that , i will be facing this pain again. i must understand that all living things die. even flowers and trees can die. im forcing myself not to drop a single tears now. haiis. i know now , she is still watching me. she will be here for 7days. that's what Malay beliefs. her spirit will be in this earth for 40days before facing GOD. yeaah. soo , end of today's story.

today's story. start from 12am in the morning. i didnt sleep. i wanted to sleep but i can't. i sat beside her , looking at her pale face. haiis. im not ready for everything. but , too late. GOD can't wait for me to prepare. i should prepare earlier. GOD loves her. haiis. My mom came around , err , not sure what time. but she came with oppung. yeah , hug and kiss her. soo yeah , after she went home , i read 'Yasin' for my great grandmother. sat beside her and read until finish. i read not just Yasin , i read the whole book. from page 1 , all the way to the end. not a single word i missed. haiis. i really love my great grandmother. haiis. i slept at 4am+. i slept beside her. i woke up by a message on my phone at 6.30am. i was BabyElmo. shes going to school xD yeahh , i didnt go to school today due to my deceased great grandmother. message her back and went back to sleep. just for 10 minutes xD my grandmother woke me up to buy things at the market. soo i helped my grandmother. soo yeah , slackslackslack outside . went down to smoke then at 8.30 , go to the cementery office with my father to ??????? i don't know. book a bus i guess. soo yeah , went back and saw that great grandmother was bathed and wearing the white cloth. after that , all lined up to pour the 'PACAI'. soo yeah , i was the last third. i pour the 'pacai' then kissed her forehead. the the second last was my grandmother. she cried like hell. my tears droping but i forced myself not to cry. [step macho ah]. many people siaa. the last one was my grandfather. the last child to my great grandmother. my grandfather cried like ___ ? i can't take it. i cried. wahliaowey. cannot tahan siaa. im not the emo type of person. what do you feel if you loose someone you love most in your life ? haiis. yeah , what you feel , thats what i felt. after that , we say some prayers and bring her down to the bus/van. one of them was me who carried her down to the bus. and yeah , reached the cemetery , yeah , usuall , put her inside the grave. that is the last time i'll be seeing her. [my heart tearing apart now]. haiis. what she is facing now ? what is she doing now ? where she is now ? IDONTKNOW ?! only GOD knows ! GOD , please pity her. please put her with the people you love. please take care of her. please keep her clean. forgive all her sins. please. AMIN! haiis. after burying her , we went back home and i slept like about 3 - 4 hours. xD too tired laaa. soo then , i eat alot too today xD tomorrow , i dont think i can eat. no mood to eat. haiis. soo yeah , till here guys. keep reading my blog guys . Thanks and Takecaiire !